Tag Archives: commercial

Subway has got to be kidding me with these ‘flatizza’ commercials

When I started this blog, I never imagined I would devote any time to dumb TV commercials. But ever since March Madness started I’ve basically been watching TV for 12 straight hours a day and have seen plenty¬†of dumb commercials. The KFC ‘selfie’ commercials are pretty bad and absolutely relentless (there’s a new one every week it seems like), but these Subway commercials are in a class of their own.

First of all, where does Subway get off acting like they invented flatbread pizza? 10 seconds of Googling tells me some chick blogged a recipe for it over 2 years ago. You didn’t invent shit Subway.¬†Unless by ‘invent’ you mean you combined the two words of something that already exists to pass it off as new. If that’s all invent means than I just invented a new sandwich. It has bacon, lettuce, and tomato and I call it the bacletto. This new and completely original sandwich was invented by me and only available at my restaurant.

Secondly, if Subway just came out and said “Pizza places are making sandwiches so we’re making pizzas now. Gotta diversify nigga”, I would have 1000% more respect for them. Completely missed the opportunity to get the Wu-tang Clan back on the air and that is straight up unforgivable.

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I am so goddamn tired of these KFC ‘selfie’ commercials

Don’t know why these commercials make me so mad, but they do. I think it’s mostly because I find it offensive that KFC assumes anyone would buy their food and be so excited about it that they start firing off SnapChats. It’s such an absurd assumption. I’ve eaten fast food almost all my life because I like a burger from time to time I’m poor and can’t afford better, and never once have I been so blown away by the food that I felt the need to tell everyone. Not once. When you eat fast food there is no excitement. There is no happiness. There is only self-loathing and pain. Shoving mystery meat that was prepared by high school dropouts into your mouth is not something you broadcast to the world. You hate yourself for stooping to the lowest rung of food on the planet, then your asshole punishes you hours later for your terrible decision. Get this shit off my TV.